I realized I want to share what I've been writing, lately. I haven't been sharing the day to day things I've done because I think my writing is a more accurate and honest representation of what my recent life has been like. I make no promises about quality, only authenticity from the moments in which the words were drawn. So I have some catching up to do, but here are some thoughts from several weeks ago.
Stare out the windows and watch for him passing by, with hope and a deep-seated sickness.
You want to see him, walk near him, turn the corner and face him because neither of you believe in fate.
You still hope, hope he'll see you, really see you this time, and change his mind, his heart.
So you keep baring yourself, let him see you even though your hair's a mess and your skin is irritated by the cold.
And each time, his steps don't falter, his eyes don't brighten, his gaze never lingers.
And each time you hear, "Don't."
But you'd like to see him again tomorrow.And as these were written in the same sitting, in the same state of mind, I think it's appropriate to share them simultaneously as well.
You're missing something. What are you lying about?
His rejection does make you question who you are. His indifference does make you feel worthless. You're clamoring to share in his sadness or his happiness again. Desperate to know, to feel him.
It's okay... Little one... You are not invincible. You bared your heart, unmasked your soul, and it's okay that you cried when he looked away. It's alright, Little one...
Sit in the sun, write, let the tears cast rainbows on your eyelashes, sniffle when your nose runs, shake all over when it's too much, let your arms hang when they feel empty, hug yourself when your chest aches...
You will find yourself again, Little one...