Adventure #57: Thanks, Thoreau

So much has happened since I last posted about an adventure... I went to an amazing concert (thank you to my wonderful boyfriend for accompanying me <3), was given a camera (thank you to my wonderful Aunt <3), toured the Anniversary Inn just for fun, wrote poetry every day, packed my things to move into a new place next weekend, and more...

I usually hate to just list what I've been up to, but I had lost the will to describe these events in any kind of detail... I've been focusing on finding my voice in poetry, so I wonder if I needed to just let go of my preferred prose for a while in order to find another piece of my voice.

I do feel like I've accomplished this, to some extent. I've written some form of poetry every day for the last month, and I've really learned so much. It's exciting to be pursuing this finally.

Past inconsistencies explained, this brings me to today.

Today was my first day in quite some time that I've had almost entirely to myself. I took the opportunity to meet with a friend and help them begin to parse Shakespeare's sonnets for a project. I hadn't studied his sonnets before, so I'm glad that I got the chance to help some, and I plan to study them more on my own time as well. Then I got myself lunch, and spent a few quiet hours in the library. I came home and took a much needed nap, too! Later in the evening, I went to a lecture on Henry David Thoreau, and was inspired to return to my blogging.

I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but by something in Thoreau's story of learning the histories of his fellow neighbors at Walden Pond, surveying the pond, gardening, writing, and maintaining his philosophies in spite of scrutiny, I felt reminded of the significance of my own small stories. While I believe I can bring more meaning to them through poetry, the simple and honest retelling of my experiences feels somewhat pure... I don't need to bring any more meaning to my stories in this context, as they matter simply because they are real.

Now I desperately need a copy of Walden, as well.

Following the lecture, it was night time, and I wandered a bit, bought myself a small coffee that turned medium, as they were out of small cups, and wandered some more. It turns out that the ILC has four floors. I'd never been higher than the second, and had never thought to before. I looked out at the campus from each floor as I went, then would cross to the other staircase, intending to descend, and realizing that I hadn't noticed another ascending flight, I would take those stairs up, look out the windows, cross the floor, and find a new set of stairs previously unnoticed, as I had been so focused on just exploring whichever floor I knew to be next. On the fourth floor, the view was so beautiful... And there was an odd, small set of stairs leading up to an alcove and a grey door. I hope the door leads to the roof, but it was definitely locked. I did try to open it.

Then I walked home in the most perfect weather I can imagine.

Adventure #53: The Women's March

Yesterday, I attended the Women's March in Boise. The women from my class attended, my family sent good thoughts and lots of encouragement my way, and I was able to go with a couple of my favorite people! In the picture, they are my friend Aidan and his two brothers (their very kind father took the picture), and my friend Kolby! It was an amazing feeling to be personally supported by some of the men in my life, including my own father who was so excited for me and wanted to hear all about the march. It was also a great feeling to know that these men are standing up for all other women in their lives and across the globe, through such a simple act of perfect unity. 

The media coverage of the marches was so uplifting, too! My favorite piece is this article from Slate which captures the strength, optimism, and determination that every one of us shared in. An estimated 2.9 million people marched yesterday in support of women and in opposition to injustice, with a powerful voice. I am truly grateful to everyone who participated. I stood by you, and you stood by me that day... It was an honor, and I choose to stand with you always.

Adventure #49: Altschmerz

My best friend, whose name is also David, has started a blog of his own! Virginia Woolfe would be proud of his musings on existentialism, his doodles-to-come, and his impeccable word choice. I've really enjoyed reading his thoughts so far, and I'm so excited to see what else he ends up writing! If you trust my opinion at all, I suggest checking out his blog because he is a very talented writer, an accomplished thinker, and the funniest person I have ever met.

Here is his blog: Altschmerz. Intrigued? You really should be.

Adventure #40: Legal Vehicle Operator

I can drive now! I passed my test yesterday morning! The only things that I missed were that I forgot to be sure he could see me glancing left and right at an intersection, and I was so nervous that I couldn't remember all of the steps it takes to park the car and get out... But oh well.

So once we can get our Durango running, I can actually use this newfound ability of mine xD I'm gonna start my job hunt in Boise once I can drive out there cause I want to start work as soon as I can to start saving for while I'm in school, figuring out how much I can work, and be trained and everything. I'm also going to finally get to see my friends at BSU! It's been difficult to get over there to see anybody, and I'm so excited that I can now :)

I'm thinking I will change my major at BSU, too. I had been thinking that I would start off studying psychology because it's really interesting and I thought I might be able to use a degree in that to help people... I've been getting closer to understanding how it is that I actually can help people, though, and analyzing their behaviours isn't the way. It's fascinating, but it won't be productive in the long run. So I am going to try to be extra brave and pursue degrees that will help me to inspire people to care and feel and appreciate more in life... The goal is still a little fuzzy in my head, but I know it will change and become clearer as I continue to pursue what I love and use it to fulfill my purpose.

Hmm... Also we ate ice cream last night to celebrate. It was good.

Adventure #38: Let be.

For some reason, I haven't been able to get this passage out of my head today... So here is my attempt to analyse it and try to discover why it is vexing me.

In Act V Scene ii of Hamlet, Laertes has challenged Hamlet to a duel, and Horatio acts as the last advocate for Hamlet to acknowledge his true nature that he has long denied himself. Hamlet has just dismissed his true feelings as a woman's misgivings, saying "how ill all's here about my heart: but it is no matter." Horatio has told Hamlet, "If your mind dislike anything, obey it..." entreating Hamlet, if he is to deny his feelings, to at least deny his thoughts no longer. Hamlet rejects Horatio's plea through a dismissal of the significance of this choice and the significance of his own being, and so ensconces himself further within his chosen philosophy, sealing his fate.

Not a whit, we defy augury: there's a special providence in
the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be
not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come:
the readiness is all: since no man has aught of what he leaves,
what is't to leave betimes?

Hamlet recognizes that while there is fate, there is also the human desire to decide it for ourselves. 

Our indiscretion sometime serves us well,
When our deep plots do fail; and that should teach us
There's a divinity that shapes our ends,
Rough-hew them how we will.

In the end, it seems we are but little birds, knowing not of what we will leave, yet free to live our lives intentionally, recklessly, and fatefully.

Water is Life: Standing Rock

I've been home from Standing Rock for a few days now, and took some much needed time to catch up on sleep and let all of the events settle before I wanted to attempt to write about them. So here I am, slightly more rested, ready to share this part of my story.

Verbally, I've relayed these events several times in questionable detail, so I'd like to approach this telling differently. I've had a chance to reflect on all that I understand I've learned from this experience, and I'd like to focus on those aspects of  the story for my own purposes of contemplation and for purposes of efficiency.

One thing that I learned while I was at Standing Rock is how generosity and determination can go an incredibly long way in supporting life. There were so many needs at the Oceti Sakowin camp, but because of donations, communication, and good intentions, everyone is being cared for adequately. I was consistently amazed by the ability of people to organize and meet everyone's needs. It was astonishing to me because, there were few constructs that I'm accustomed to; there was no delegation, no ruling body (other than certain activities where the approval of the elders is strongly recommended), and few rules. Everyone was there to be a part of this incredible movement, and each had their contribution. With all of these people in one place, united by one cause and one philosophy, without hardly any structures of our over-arching society, incredible things are being achieved. In my thoughts, one of the greatest achievements is a productive and peaceful coexistence.

Another lesson for me was about how I contribute to the world. I struggled on the first two days feeling like I wasn't doing enough. I felt guilty for taking a nap, even though I really needed to because my exhaustion was bringing me to tears... I felt like I couldn't carry enough supplies at once, couldn't cut potatoes quickly enough, couldn't handle the cold with ease... It wasn't until a man struck up a conversation with me and wanted to say he had seen me helping, and that he was grateful to me for doing so. That conversation made me cry a little bit, too, because I needed to hear that someone saw what I was trying to do... Then, once I knew that someone had seen me, I didn't feel like I needed to measure how helpful I was or how hard I was working by what someone else thought. How could I? This man probably didn't see me take a nap. He didn't know how little sleep I'd gotten the night before. He couldn't have known how hard I was working or how hard I wasn't. Only I could know if I was doing everything that I could to help, while still taking care of myself. This really helped me to more completely understand that my contribution to the world can't be measured. It's up to me to do what I know I need to, and no else can say if it is or isn't enough. I know it is.

I'm losing my focus now, but I will continue in another post soon. As always, thank you for being a part of my story, and I hope you have a wonderful day <3

Adventure #34: Miscellaneous Adventures

I learned what a persimmon is yesterday. They look like tomatoes, and taste like nothing if they are not ripe.

My Spotify Discover Weekly playlist is amazing this week, too. There hasn't been a single song that I've skipped or not decided to listen to again. I am very impressed.

I also had a friend send me a bunch of indie electronica that I also loved. Good stuff. Also.

I read an article last night about the difficulties in learning to model the motion of a pendulum. At midnight... I am a big nerd.

Hmmm second Etsy sale in progress! The woman wanted six pieces, but I told her since I'm leaving for Standing Rock soon and I didn't know if the longer poems would fit on the size of paper she wanted, I'm doing three of them for her for now.

I also discovered this morning (I had my suspicions) that every ten characters on the typewriter is equivalent to an inch. Whoever made these things put so much effort into the design, these are seriously the coolest little machines ever.

Christopher Latham Sholes, Frank Haven Hall, Carlos Glidden and Samuel W. Soule.
They invented the typewriter.