Adventure #34: Miscellaneous Adventures

I learned what a persimmon is yesterday. They look like tomatoes, and taste like nothing if they are not ripe.

My Spotify Discover Weekly playlist is amazing this week, too. There hasn't been a single song that I've skipped or not decided to listen to again. I am very impressed.

I also had a friend send me a bunch of indie electronica that I also loved. Good stuff. Also.

I read an article last night about the difficulties in learning to model the motion of a pendulum. At midnight... I am a big nerd.

Hmmm second Etsy sale in progress! The woman wanted six pieces, but I told her since I'm leaving for Standing Rock soon and I didn't know if the longer poems would fit on the size of paper she wanted, I'm doing three of them for her for now.

I also discovered this morning (I had my suspicions) that every ten characters on the typewriter is equivalent to an inch. Whoever made these things put so much effort into the design, these are seriously the coolest little machines ever.

Christopher Latham Sholes, Frank Haven Hall, Carlos Glidden and Samuel W. Soule.
They invented the typewriter.

Adventure #33: The Funk

Fear not! I am still alive. I kind of disappeared for the last couple of days because of the aforementioned funk.

Unintentionally, I kind of set myself up for failure with this one... I haven't been outside in a couple of days, and didn't really have anything planned to do... Lately, allowing my days to be self-directed hasn't been a problem at all. But if I'd been paying attention to my own feelings as well as I'd like to be, I would have realized that now is not a good time for me to have the opportunity to watch Netflix all day. I'm going to be vague with this one, but I'm letting go of a lot... Processing an incredible amount of sadness, really. So I do wish I had made plans to keep myself a little bit busier, not to numb any feelings, but so as to avoid wallowing.

But! Today! I'm listening to music, back to blogging, made myself a good breakfast, and I'm going to finish the t-shirt design for Standing Rock. I also might have a new Etsy order! This woman wants six different pieces. I told her it will take me some extra time, and if she's willing to wait, then I would love to make them. So we'll see!

In both accounts, wish me luck! Imma beat this funk and sell some typed stuff.

Water is Life: Standing Rock Introduction

I've decided I'm going up to Standing Rock. A couple of women from my class are taking supplies they've been collecting for the last month or so up there, and I finally asked if I could go with them. We leave in a little more than a week! I'm currently (like this very minute) working on a design for t-shirts I want to sell to help raise funds for Standing Rock.

I just realized I'm spending my Friday night designing this idea for the Standing Rock shirts, and I only feel grateful. I had started worrying about how a friend of mine is doing, and then got to thinking about my friends in college and in the past, I've really felt like I'm missing out. I'm so excited for college, and it's been so hard to continue saying no to the allure of going to school with all of my friends, partying on the weekends (I've never done it, so I'm not sure if it's for me, but that's part of the difficulty is not knowing), and learning... I love learning. 

But. This time when my mind wandered and I started thinking about what those people might be doing tonight, I didn't feel jealous. I didn't feel self-righteous, either. Only grateful... I feel so glad to be a part of this movement in my own small way. So glad to be a part of it that I hadn't even noticed I'm giving up precious weekend time in order to be involved. That was a really awesome feeling. 

Also, this is definitely a get hyped post. I'll share the design and the fundraiser campaign very soon! :D Feel that? Hype.

Adventure #32: BSU Game!

I went to my first college football game last night! BYU @ BSU.  It was a super close game, very exciting, very scary. I had a lot of fun! I used to be a really big football fan. It was one of the only things that my step-dad and I shared. He taught me all about it, helped me keep up with our teams, and I watched almost every game with him that I could. He and I don't talk anymore, but my love of football remains. It was really cool to go and be able to enjoy the tension, the excitement, and the cold.

PC: Cassie T

But the night was not without hiccups, as other emotionally relevant events occurred. I missed almost the entire third quarter because I was on the phone with my friend Drita, really trying to figure some things out... I cried the whole time... A lot of people stopped to make sure I was okay, and that actually helped a lot to be reminded of all the caring people in the world who are willing to set aside time to stand in kindness. I really needed that... I also noticed that there were no females who talked to me or made sure I was okay in those moments, and that sucked, only because I would have thought that the relationship between women in general was stronger than that... In light of that observation, I plan to be the demonstration of a caring woman whenever I see another in a situation like that.

So, I am feeling a bit better now, and I'm so glad that I was able to rediscover my love of football, be reminded of kindness in the world, be shown how I can help to empower other women who are suffering, and be able to spend the night talking with people who care about me.

Adventure #31: Five Star Etsy Seller!

My first Etsy product arrived today at my customer's house, and she said she loves it! She says it's perfect and I was so awesome in communicating with her and stuff. And then she left me a five star review! Definitely made me feel good ^.^

The quote she wanted is one of my favorites:

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there." - Rumi

I learned a few new Etsy things from this, too. Like that I can make a custom listing in the messages people send me (might charge me for the listing, but I'm not sure...). Or, I can have them purchase the 'custom item' listing, and then all of the reviews will show up together on that product when other people want to purchase something! So that's actually really exciting to me because I need all the help I can get with this thing.

Anyway, so yay! Happy people ^.^

Adventure #30: More Officially Moved

As of last night, I am now back in Meridian. I have like nothing with me right now except my notebooks, computer, and some clothes, but I'm here! The transition has been harder than I thought it would be... But I think I just have so many things on my mind at the moment. Just processing a lot of emotions and projects all at once and it's making me a little tired. Things feel right, though. I feel settled inside, and it's a good feeling.

Sooo I've listened to a ton of music lately because I need it. I've been refining my Spotify playlists for a few months now and I'm finally like really happy with them! Maybe I'll share some of those. I really love sharing music with people and I try to do it often. Sharing music with people is such a personal form of communication. In my mind, I'm sharing a little experience with someone that just says, "This made me feel something." So anyone who shares music with me is awesome because then they gave me a chance to feel something, and maybe I'll even have a similar experience with the music to theirs. That's an awesome thought, to me...

I've been drawing a bit. Still working on my staff because this design is taking forever and it makes my hands hurt, so I've been working on it in 4 hour spurts once I get over the hurts. Last night I started a drawing that incorporates the same pattern, and I like it so far... So here's that, and now you have an idea what my staff looks like on the bottom, too!

Breakthrough on my novel today! I am closer to finding a story to fit my ideas. I made some progress on my exploration of religion today, too, which I am very excited about.

Also. I have decided. When I am a mother, I will make sure my children have blankets and sheets specifically for forts, capes, playing outside, and any other joyful activity they come up with where blankets are a necessity. That is all.

In other news, Bitte climbed up next to me in this chair and cuddled with me for like an hour. I love her so much.

The End. Not really.

Adventure #29: Unnaturally Lazy Day

Yeah, I watched Supernatural with my sister practically all day. I guess I did do a few adult things, like laundry, printing an application, doing the dishes, and contacting my eye doctor... I also played Pokemon. While I watched Supernatural. It was wonderful.

Also, Imitation Game is on Netflix, and I desperately need to watch it with someone. Preferably someone who hasn't seen it yet, but I can compromise. My parents didn't know I was coming home yesterday, so they watched it without me :'/ I'll survive, though, don't you worry. This one's a fighter. Most days.

Hmmm... Other updates? My first Etsy sale should have been delivered today, so hopefully I'll hear back from the customer about what she thinks :) In other news, I'm planning on moving out (again) tomorrow. I left last week and then came back home the next day so that I could get ready for this last minute road trip xD So this is more for real now. Scary and exciting. Will post updates. Still have more laundry to do.

And I believe that's all for now! Have a lovely rest of your night, dear readers <3

Adventure #28: To Albany to Home

We left early on Thursday morning out of Tacoma to head for Albany to visit my second cousin, and my Gramma's niece! We decided to come down highway 101 for the scenery and because my Gramma and I are cocky women who knew we could beat the worst of that monstrous looming storm. Haha so actually we did beat the worst of the storm. We had a few minutes where the winds were really bad and the rain was even worse, but that maybe only lasted for a half hour before we were back to the normal heavy rainfall.

Map of Our Route For the Trip

The drive was so beautiful! I was in awe the entire way. I'm still amazed that everything could be so green. We stopped a few places to walk in the rain, take pictures, and to drive across and back on the bridge in Astoria. I loved seeing my cousin, too. She's the sweetest person ever, and their family is going through a rough time right now, so I hope that my Gramma and I were able to cheer her up a little bit. Love you, Heidi <3

Astoria, Hwy 101

Pancho Gramma <3

Homies

Almost Home

Nap Time for Murdoch

Adventure #27: Reacquainted With The Rain

Listen to Giueseppe play the trumpet, he's so good.

Gramma jerks the wheel often. Tiny jerks. Little overcorrections that leave her and I in the Jeep twitching, wiggling side to side in the lane.

Rain flicks the car incessantly. A little brother poking you until the sensation softens and that small area on your arm turns numb. My ears become numb to the flicks and whips of the drops, and the sounds blur together into... Now I'm listening too closely.

The outpour collects on leaves above. Plopping clacking marbles down down on us. Smatterings of marble sky kisses.

Droplets blur together into rivulets into rivers. I hear their rivers, sometimes.

The sound and sight and sensation of the rain. The aura of rain. It seeps into our minds, our own personal fog. My Gramma's movements are softened as the rain flows through her arms, over her bones, weighing her hands.

The overcorrections are fluid, now a subtle weaving. Puddles on the road assist in tugging the Jeep to one side or another. Millions of tiny hydrogen bond hands pluck at rubber tires. Thank you, little puddles. Do you hear your rivers, too, sometimes?

Adventure #26: Long Walks on the Beach

My wonderful cousins and aunt took me to the beach at Chambers Bay today! It was grey and perfect outside. We could hear harbor seals, and even got to watch one catch a fish. And then he ate it! Yay seals!

We also made a game out of finding the weirdest things that we could on the beach. There were many. Such a great day with my crazy family <3

Locked in Love

Sea Snot? Ocean Barf?

Multi-Tasker

Just a Corn Cob

Missed the Party

I said, "It's bigger than you!" but she didn't hear me.
So she said, "It's bigger than me!"
Also his name was Gary.
She said we took him to the moon.
I told her I'd be sure to inform the world.
She didn't believe me.

Through  the Grate and Down Below

Adventure #25: Dat Glass

Aaaaagh I love this city. I haven't been here for two and a half years, but I remembered the streets and buildings so clearly. It's such a beautiful place.

So I got to spend the day with my aunt, my cousins, and my Gramma. We visited the glass museum (Kind of. There are installations that are outside the actual museum, soooo you don't have to pay to see those.) and walked around downtown Tacoma for a while. Because I know way less about these installations than the museum probably does, if any of these pique your interest, here is the link to the Museum of Glass.

And oh! I forgot something! This paragraph is being written five days late, but whatever. My aunt left me at a coffee shop for a few hours, too, and I kind of had an adventure there. I looked through a book about the traditions of pilgrimages to the holy lands. I drank cocoa. I also took my shoes off so that I could sit cross legged in the chair, and nobody looked at me funny. And a couple of guys approached me to talk about religion. That was super cool. Their names were Andre and Sergei, and we just kind of philosophized for an hour. They seemed kind of surprised that I was on board with what we were talking about, and that I was pushing the ideas, even though I told them I don't always identify as a christian. They prayed, we talked about our lives, God, freedom, purpose, and Germany. It was so cool to meet two people like them. They were just really open, passionate, and interesting people. So glad I got to experience such a meaningful conversation with complete strangers!

Note: People look at you strangely if you do
a photographers pose in the middle of a museum.
Especially if they didn't see the rainbow.

Adventure #24: To Tacoma, Through Vancouver

We're on a trip! My Gramma asked me a few days ago if I needed to get out of the house as badly as she did, and I said yes. So we're driving to Vancouver, Tacoma, and Albany to visit a few family members.

On our first day, we drove to Vancouver from home and got there around 6pm Pacific Time. I got to drive for about 4 hours straight, including some in Portland traffic, but my Gramma didn't know where to tell me to go, so that was really scary a couple of times... I didn't do anything crazy, but she did have me take the next exit off the freeway so that she could drive and I could navigate by way of our lord and savior, Google Maps. I exited toward the airport, so there were several more turns and exits to take before I found a Wendy's parking lot! And then we had dinner because yes.

We made it to her friend's house in Vancouver, and I have never been so at ease around two old ladies before. This woman's house was so full of things, meaning plates, decorations, tea cups, cloths, lights, and books! In the past, when I've witnessed such a full house, the woman living inside it clings to her possessions to stave off loneliness and boredom. There is nothing wrong with such things, but the nature of it has meant I haven't felt comfortable in those kinds of places. However, this woman's house felt cozy. And like all of her possessions were there to be put to use. She collects plates and china because she is a professional tea-teacher! Well, actually a "Certified Tea Etiquette Consultant" according to her business card. She was so sweet and made us the best tea ever. I'm so glad I got to meet her!

We also had stopped at the Columbia River Gorge because it's so gorgeous and windy. The last time I had traveled this route, too, I had several snapchats of the river and I put little boat and cloud and sun stickers on them ^.^

So! Thanks for the read! And here are way too many selfies of me, one picture of the gorge, one of the view over Tacoma from our hotel, and one of my adventure buddy, Murdoch <3

Murdoch is a tiny homie

So Koi

Das me

Contrast

Windy Business

Columbia River Gorge

Tacoma, WA

Adventure #23: To Grandmother's House I Go

I kinda ran away from home for a little bit today. My step mom and I had another hurtful and stupid argument about the dishes. She laughed at what I was saying several times, so I never really felt strong enough to truly explain how I was feeling and why... So that sucked.

I had a really tough morning talking with my best friend about our relationship and where we need to head next, too... I feel okay in the deepest levels of myself, but for many reasons, every other level just wants to cry whenever I think about him... Do prepare yourselves for poetry or the like that is wrought with self-reflection and life-reflection. I think it will be a really powerful tool for me, to keep writing. This blog helps so much, too, because it's like a journal, but someone actually is listening. So to whomever, everyone, and a someone, thank you for listening.

Because of previously described morning, I did the dishes, and I walked over to my Gramma's house. I live out in the middle of nowhere, so I have been more than grateful on many occasions that I have such a wonderful and caring Gramma who has always been willing to step in as a mother figure when I needed one. So she talked with me, gave me hugs, advice, and encouragement. She took me with her to the grocery store because she, more than anyone, understands the need to just move forward physically to help the mind move forward in tandem.

I taught her about leave-in conditioners because she is growing her hair out a little. She likes to french braid it or put it in a short ponytail, and it makes me happy for her because she remains unafraid of change in her life and her person. I helped her pick out a card for the family of a friend of hers who had died. She gave me a few dollars to go buy something to eat because I'd forgotten until I smelled grocery store smells. She bought a pizza for my Grandpa to eat while she and I are away this coming week.  And then she drove me home, once I made sure that my dad was home, too.

So, shoutout to one of the best Grammas in the world: I've had a lot of mother figures in my life, and you have been one to me whenever I needed it most. You mean so much to me, and I'm so grateful for what you have taught me through your wise words and shown me through your kind actions. <3

Adventure #21: I Waited

I waited, love.
Sprawled out in the grass
At the fringes of your life
Calling to you

Come get me, love...
Pull me close
Draw me in
To you again

Could you hear me, love?
I said to you I miss you
I love you
I feel you


I left, love.
I fell silent.
I walked far away.


I will call to you again
I will be close to you
I will wait for you again, someday

I will always miss you
I will always love you
I will always feel you


Will you hear me?
Love?

Adventure #22: A Day Alone

I went to Indie Author Day today at the Boise Library. I only went to one panel discussion because it wasn't exactly what I hoped it would be, but it was a valuable experience. Haha um... I learned that I don't want to be a YA author, honestly. It's not for me... The authors seemed to assume that their books couldn't be too complex or deal with profound themes for fear of their younger audience wouldn't be able to understand. I thought that was closed minded and unfortunate. J.K. Rowling, whom one of the authors took offense to, dealt with themes of discrimination, violence, sexism, manipulation, bureaucracy, emotional abuse, and more. With the success of the Harry Potter franchise as my evidence, I think the authors were wrong to assume that complexity in their novels would deter young readers. So I'd rather write about themes that I think are important, and if that means what I write won't be advertised as being for younger readers, then okay. Maybe I will try to change that, too.

One author on the panel kind of had an attitude problem, in my mind... So I was a bit irked by him. Then he made a claim about how characters should never be indecisive. He said it doesn't move the plot forward, it's boring, and it doesn't let anything move or change. So I piped up and said, "Well. Except. Hamlet refused to act and remained indecisive for four acts of the play." To which he responded, "Ahhh yeah preaching Shakespeare! Awesome!" and kind of totally ignored my point, but okay. And then he criticized J.K. Rowling and I became more irked. Dare I say, miffed. 

On the more positive side, I gleaned some valuable information and suggestions about written dialogue, which I greatly appreciated. In my favorite piece of advice, it was suggested that authors could write their characters into different situations, not necessarily relating to their respective novels, and the author could get to know all the nuances of their characters through exploring their reactions and emotions in these contrived situations. I thought that was pretty brilliant. I also have been toying with how to write more short stories, and I like the idea of exploring a single character through disjointed and varied stories. I think I could do a lot with tying those stories together in subtle ways, and I could have a very well developed character for hire after-the-fact.

I was planning on spending most of my day in the library, but I was feeling so many things, and I had to move... I wandered the shelves for a while, breathing the iconic perfume of brilliance on paper, with slow and winding steps, deep breaths, and all silence inside. Then I walked around downtown Boise for 5 hours straight... This post is backdated, so two days later and my calves are still quite sore.

It was a really difficult day. I went and sat in a little triangle of grass on the edge of BSU by the bridge and just sat for another 2 hours... I had a lot to think about, I suppose... It was one of the only quiet places that I could find, too. People walked by, but most didn't notice me and of those that did, some smiled back. I cried often as old and new thoughts came to mind. I watched the sunset, people, and the rubber toes of my shoes.

All in all, it was just a day alone... A day to feel, to walk, and to breathe. 

Adventure #20: Maybe Moved In, Learning to Move On

Hey! I've moved! I'm now living in Meridian, ID with some close family friends. It's not as big of a leap that I'd hoped for, but it's a step in the right direction, I believe. It's kind of a trial period for now, where they're letting me stay here for a little while until I'm sure this will work for me, and if it does, then I might stay. And I definitely cried a lot while I was on the phone with my Dad last night... I miss him so much already...

This time in my life has been so huge in terms of transition. One of my sets of parents got a divorce this summer, all of my friends started college, I graduated, I moved out (maybe), I started a blog, started an Etsy store, I'm writing a novel, my relationship with my best friend and boyfriend of many years has been changing in many ways, and I'm still working on going to Germany soon. It's been amazing to have this blog, too, and to reflect and appreciate all that's been going on in my life. I don't know that I would have appreciated it all quite so completely if I hadn't been sharing it along the way. So I'm very glad that I have had this opportunity, and I hope that it's been valuable to some of you in any way, too!

All of these transitions mean this has been one of the most powerful times in my life, and also the most difficult. I don't know that I have ever felt so much uncertainty so often. I'm learning so much about myself, and while there have been a lot of tears, there also is a great new sense of awareness forming. I'm excited, terrified, sad, confused, and content all at once, almost all the time, lately. But in the deepest part of me, no matter how much turmoil I feel around me, I am becoming still and quiet, for the first time.

To all of you and any of you who read this, thank you for being a part of my journey. <3

Adventure #19: Announcing the Understory

So I made plans to move out today, and then they kind of got put off... But the reasons are secret and personal so I can't talk about it, but basically I'm upset with some people and really grateful for how others are helping me handle this.

So there's that super vague update for ya.

Also planning a road trip with my Gramma, so stay tuned.


The main meat of this post, now: I announced my novel today! It is called Understory. I'm super excited to keep working on it, and as soon as I have any kind of sample, it will be in a post, and available on my Nanowrimo profile.

The topics I'm currently exploring with intent to include them in the novel are: perspective, familiarity, religion, nature, what-ifs, progress, story, and the shadow nature. As I think and write about each of these more, they slowly come together, bit by bit. I have no idea how all of these concepts will connect through plot or setting, but they are connected through many other means, and I hope to discover their proper literary representation soon. Also, if you have any significant thoughts that come to you when you think of the word Understory (or when you look it up), let me know? I'd love to know what kinds of images and ideas the phrase evokes.

Thanks again! And to my significant otter and goober who hopefully will read this, you're always on my mind. And you can do it! You're amazing! <3

To Inspire: Invest In Yourself

Invest in yourself.

Not because everyone will let you down. Some won't.

Not because it's hard to hope. It really can be done.

Not because the world is cruel. It is, but it is also wonderful.

And not because there is nothing else worth investing in. There are many things worth your efforts.

But invest in yourself, too, because we say that the only constant in life is change. But the other constant is you. As long as you are alive, you have yourself. Invest in yourself because you will change, whether you mean to or not. And when you see these changes, you will need to have faith in order to face yourself again and again as you grow. Learn about yourself, know yourself, and grow yourself, because it is possible. And because you will need to know your constants in life, especially when everything changes.

Adventure #18: A Normal Day of Little Adventures

It's today!

I started decoratin my staff today. I honestly don't remember if I mentioned it before, but I made a staff. Now I'm decorating it. Honestly I think it looks super freaking cool, too. Will post pictures tomorrow(?) when I'm finished. It's an adventure because I've never decorated or even made a staff before, and I've never drawn anything like this, especially not on a staff. So, an art adventure! We'll see how it goes :)

I also wrote a lot today. Some really cool ideas and thoughts that I think I will start to share on here as they continue to form. It will help me to explain them to someone other than myself, as it'll mean I will have to solidify my thoughts in order to convey them with any semblance of clarity. So look forward to THAT!

Another everyday adventure today: I took a break from my phone. I checked it a few times, but didn't keep it on me all day, and actually stopped worrying about it after a few mental slaps on the wrist. I only used 10% of my battery life, so I'm pretty proud of that xD And it felt good! It was hard because I'm still letting go of something, but I feel much better about it after a day of practicing being okay.

In other news, I promised myself today that I would quit dismissing something that I just said out of worry that nobody cared. I cared, so I said it, and that's ok!

As always, thanks for the read, and I hope you had a day of little adventures, as well <3

Adventure #17: The Phoenix

Damn! Already missed a day. Oh well. It's the thought that counts, yeah?

So today was a really amazing day. I refer to the Phoenix in the title of this post because I think there are a lot of lessons for me to learn right now in terms of what beginnings and endings really are, and what they can be for me.

Today is a perfect example. I spoke with my dad about moving out and we gained both closure and and agreement about how to move forward. I went to a wedding of a good friend of mine, and promises and commitments, meant for enhancing and ensconcing the love between them, were made. I spent 5 hours making barefoot sandals for the bride, which was definitely new... And all of the other beginnings and endings, newness and oldness, I couldn't describe it to you, yet... But I saw it, felt it, everywhere today.

My boyfriend and I broke up today, too. That one has been more difficult already than I thought it would be... I'm choosing to support him in his choice to be alone for however long it takes for him to find himself. And I'm struggling because even though I had broken up with him for the same thing before, I still had this fantasy that somehow we could find our individuality, together. I'm learning very quickly that it's so important for me to leave him be... And I understand that this can be a powerful opportunity for me, as well. Maybe even if we aren't walking together, we can still walk parallel paths toward self-discovery. That is my hope, at least.

So here's to leaving the door open for new lessons and understanding. Here's to knowing when it's time to be reborn from the ashes of what has been. And here's to accepting the end that must occur for the sake of the rebirth that is to be fueled by newfound potential.