Adventure #60: Spring and Spiky Things

This week has been crazy! I'm on Spring Break at the moment, and have done something new or seen something beautiful every single day for the past several days. 

Yesterday, I walked around downtown Boise for a couple of hours in the rain. I visited Dutch Bros, Rediscovered Books, The Flying M, and any other store that seemed interesting. I went to Pie Hole for dinner, and then walked in the rain some more while I ate pizza. 

I started a new series on Netflix called "Tales by Light", too! I would highly recommend it. The show follows photographers through a few of their projects, and shows the act of photography from the photographers' perspective. I think it's beautifully done, and terribly fascinating.

On Saturday, I spontaneously decided that I had waited long enough, and it was time to cut my hair. I hadn't realized how tired I'd become of my hair being obectified, needing to be brushed twice a day, and feeling so heavy. Those cells had been with me for a very long time, and I had no idea how liberating it would feel to let them go. It's also been freeing to not be able to hide my face anymore, and to not be able to remember what I look like now. I've never had my hair this short before, and I love it! Before and after pictures! 

             

Other of my adventures included walks through the cemetery near our house, walks down by the river, and walks downtown. It feels amazing to be able to go anywhere whenever I feel like it! I don't worry anymore about who I'll run into, or whether or not someone else would enjoy going with me somewhere. I just walk. 

I went shopping for the first time in a long time! Over the last few holidays, I'd been given several gift cards that I decided to use to start making my room feel more livable. At the moment, I have a borrowed bedside lamp that lights up my whole room, and all of my clothes, books, and possessions are in boxes. Still! It's my own room, and I love it. And now I have some lights on the way!

Also I sat down in the grass on campus, and made this thing out of the spiky seeds that drop all over the place. That was a good day. 

On Thursday, I hung out at Camel's Back park with my friend Kris. He put up a couple of slack lines and both showed me up and got me addicted. It's so difficult! We also met Lola, who is the happiest dog I think I have ever met, as I made clear in my snapchat of said happy dog. Then we got Mexican food, walked around another park, and stared up at the clouds for a very long time.

I finally wrote a resume, too! I had been very afraid to in the past, so I'm grateful that I was able to get started on it finally. We'll see how that goes!

I also have gone to coffee with a few friends recently. I met up with my new friend Veronica and we had wonderful conversations about life. I met with my friend Rachel today, and we also had great conversations about life, and laughed at her baby's cute faces! She is incredibly adorable, and lucky to have such a great momma. I've taken myself out for coffee a few times now, and have gotten back into reading, finally! I started "Between the World and Me", and while it's a difficult emotional read, it is incredibly important. I'm very glad to be reading it.

Wow okay, that was a lot. It's been a busy week! Thank you for reading, and I look forward to writing more now, as my adventures seem to be more frequent with the coming of Spring and my newfound determination to remind myself of my freedom. Happy first-day-of-Spring to you, and I hope the sun and rain bring more adventures for you, as well! ^_^ <3

Adventure #56: Becoming Sin Eater

One of my first written explorations of an idea my friend gave me. I'm trying to use it to help me find and maintain perspective on what I've been going through. So here goes.

Sin Eater

Our everness
all memories and
moments unlived

When my part in your
Soul perished, I gathered
bottled the splinters of your heart

The organizer of pains.
receptacle for fears.
embalmer of essence.

Your
devoted
doteful

Sin Eater.

Adventure #54: College Campesino - Toast Post!

Hi! I'm kind of in college now! I haven't posted in a while because the transition was pretty strange, and I haven't had much time to myself for the last couple of weeks. But here I am! And I have stories!

The first is about toast.

In the dorm where I'm living at the moment, we do not have a toaster. So I had the grand opportunity to educate my roommates about the wonders of alternatively toasted breads.

First, the pan fried bread: We also do not have a microwave yet. I softened butter in the oven so as to make it more amenable to being spread, and that was almost disastrous for sure. But most of the butter was salvaged, bread was much too slowly toasted in a pan, and fun was had by all. Actually I kept accidentally slamming the oven door shut because the spring on it is very effective, and that was terrifying.

But toast! I did it! Kolby was brave and had a bite. He agreed the pan-fried bread/ toast/ whatever Derek said it should be called is better than the average toast.

Second, the oven toast: This is my favorite kind of toast, and my second favorite comfort food. My momma taught me to make toast like this, and I would eat at least 4 pieces of it in one sitting whenever we would make it together. For this particular bit of toastiness, I butter one side of the bread, sprinkle a good amount of cinnamon and sugar on top of the butter, and place the bread with sugar side up in the oven, and set it to broil. Then the sugar and cinnamon caramelize on top, the butter sinks down in the bread a little and softens it, and then the sugar and cinnamon create like a little barrier, so the bread steams underneath and gets so fluffy and soft. It's the best!

This time I made pieces for both Kolby and I, and he said it was great toast :D

Success!

Adventure #51: Christmas Eve

The days leading up to Christmas have been nothing short of incredible. A couple of lazy days, a few family days, and lots of goodies being baked!

In terms of goodies, I made cupcakes for the first time in too long! I experimented with putting spices in the cream cheese frosting, too. They are so good. We also now have a commendable supply of fudge, lemon winter cake, and peanut butter cookies.

Lately, I've also made a couple of attempts to see my teachers and friends from high school, but to no avail... I had asked my English teacher if I could come visit on Wednesday and she had to cancel last minute... I was more sad than I thought I'd be. I'd been really excited to see her and tell her about all that I've been up to and hear how she's doing. There are so many other teachers and students I was looking forward to seeing, too. Hopefully we'll be able to work something out soon, though! The other event I couldn't make it to went down tonight, where everyone went caroling at my Spanish teacher's house. She lost her son this last year, and she's been on my mind a lot... I so wanted to be there, but my family couldn't find a way to get me there... I'm hoping to send her a letter instead, and let her know I think of her often. She's an amazing woman. I always feel so blessed to have had such incredible teachers in my life. I want to make sure they know it, too.

In other news, I had a great time Skyping my friend Kolby for a couple of hours! Normally I wouldn't write about something quite so specific, but he's been such a great friend to me since I met him, even with all that I've been dealing with. So I just really wanted to take a second to say I appreciate this newfound friendship that's come at a really pivotal time in my life. So thanks, dork :)

And in reference to what's been going on emotionally for me in the recent past, my greatest hope is that all of this will culminate in a new beginning that I've been looking forward to for a very long time. I'm scared to know how things will turn out, but in a strange way, I'm incredibly happy, too. This could be something so wonderful, fulfilling, and loving! I truly hope that I'll be given the chance to find out all that this can become... <3

Last thing! I need to say thank you to all of you! 51 Adventures in just a few months! That's pretty great. And 1,500 views! I honestly never hoped I would gain any kind of following, so it's been a fantastic surprise to find out how many people really are interested in what I'm doing here. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read these and to be invested in my life and my story in this way. It means so much to me. That said, a very happy Christmas Eve to all of you, and goodnight.

Adventure #45: Boise State Bound!

I got my acceptance letter! It came yesterday in the mail while I was hanging out at BSU. I was visiting to check out the house with the three girls I could live with, and I decided I really would like to live with them! They seem like really amazing and kind people. The house is really old and adorable, too. I'll have my own room, I will need to invest in lamps, and they have cats ^.^ I'm so excited to be living with three women who's company I genuinely enjoy and in a house where I really could feel at home.

I won't be able to move in until February, so that means I will be living at home and couch crashing for the month of January most likely, but I'm actually totally okay with that xD It'll be so worth it.

Also! I convinced them that we need a kotatsu!!! They were totally on board, and that's when I figured this was meant to be.

Other miscellaneous adventures of late: I introduced my friend Kolby to the Flying M, and he thought it was pretty great. Also I'm making cookies right now because I needed them. And I'd forgotten how much I love making and finding gifts for people! I wish I had more money with which to give gifts, but I'm digging into my savings a bit to make it happen this year. I love it. I've done some writing lately, too! It was amazing! It had been too long. I'm reading again, too! I read 1984, and then had another dry spell... I don't know what was going on, but I'm glad it's over.

So yays for new friends, kotatsu's, coffee, Christmas, and books.

Adventure #42: Apartment Hunting

For the first time ever, I will be looking for a place to live on my own! It's pretty scary, I must admit. My two best options that I can afford are both an option for a lease takeover, and I don't know all of what that means... And I don't have a job yet. The vehicle that we have for me to drive isn't running yet, so I haven't had a chance to get into Boise to pick up and drop off applications. But! It will all work out somehow, I'm sure. 

So tomorrow, I will be checking out an apartment that's only a half a mile from BSU! And it's in my price range! Craziness. Hopefully I will hear back from my other two options soon, and I'll check those out once I do. 

Aaaaagh this is so exciting! :D

They finally are able to process my application for school now, too. This whole process has been a huge test of my faith and optimism... I have had to catch myself several times now talking myself into worries and fears. It has not been easy, but I'm so glad that I'm finally doing this. I'm so ready, and I don't really care if it's scary cause it's gonna get done. So there. 

In other good news, my step mom and I had a really good day together. We were able to talk for quite a while about possible living situations for me, the divine feminine archetype, and a bunch of other fascinating things. It was really nice... She also told me about a moment recently where she and I had been arguing, and just all of a sudden she didn't see me as just her daughter anymore... She saw me as the strong and powerful woman that I'm becoming. That meant a lot to me that she can see that in me, and that she would be willing to tell me so plainly that she really does... I am grateful. 

And to the best goober ever: I miss you so much. Thank you for being you <3

Adventure #33: The Funk

Fear not! I am still alive. I kind of disappeared for the last couple of days because of the aforementioned funk.

Unintentionally, I kind of set myself up for failure with this one... I haven't been outside in a couple of days, and didn't really have anything planned to do... Lately, allowing my days to be self-directed hasn't been a problem at all. But if I'd been paying attention to my own feelings as well as I'd like to be, I would have realized that now is not a good time for me to have the opportunity to watch Netflix all day. I'm going to be vague with this one, but I'm letting go of a lot... Processing an incredible amount of sadness, really. So I do wish I had made plans to keep myself a little bit busier, not to numb any feelings, but so as to avoid wallowing.

But! Today! I'm listening to music, back to blogging, made myself a good breakfast, and I'm going to finish the t-shirt design for Standing Rock. I also might have a new Etsy order! This woman wants six different pieces. I told her it will take me some extra time, and if she's willing to wait, then I would love to make them. So we'll see!

In both accounts, wish me luck! Imma beat this funk and sell some typed stuff.

Water is Life: Standing Rock Introduction

I've decided I'm going up to Standing Rock. A couple of women from my class are taking supplies they've been collecting for the last month or so up there, and I finally asked if I could go with them. We leave in a little more than a week! I'm currently (like this very minute) working on a design for t-shirts I want to sell to help raise funds for Standing Rock.

I just realized I'm spending my Friday night designing this idea for the Standing Rock shirts, and I only feel grateful. I had started worrying about how a friend of mine is doing, and then got to thinking about my friends in college and in the past, I've really felt like I'm missing out. I'm so excited for college, and it's been so hard to continue saying no to the allure of going to school with all of my friends, partying on the weekends (I've never done it, so I'm not sure if it's for me, but that's part of the difficulty is not knowing), and learning... I love learning. 

But. This time when my mind wandered and I started thinking about what those people might be doing tonight, I didn't feel jealous. I didn't feel self-righteous, either. Only grateful... I feel so glad to be a part of this movement in my own small way. So glad to be a part of it that I hadn't even noticed I'm giving up precious weekend time in order to be involved. That was a really awesome feeling. 

Also, this is definitely a get hyped post. I'll share the design and the fundraiser campaign very soon! :D Feel that? Hype.

Adventure #30: More Officially Moved

As of last night, I am now back in Meridian. I have like nothing with me right now except my notebooks, computer, and some clothes, but I'm here! The transition has been harder than I thought it would be... But I think I just have so many things on my mind at the moment. Just processing a lot of emotions and projects all at once and it's making me a little tired. Things feel right, though. I feel settled inside, and it's a good feeling.

Sooo I've listened to a ton of music lately because I need it. I've been refining my Spotify playlists for a few months now and I'm finally like really happy with them! Maybe I'll share some of those. I really love sharing music with people and I try to do it often. Sharing music with people is such a personal form of communication. In my mind, I'm sharing a little experience with someone that just says, "This made me feel something." So anyone who shares music with me is awesome because then they gave me a chance to feel something, and maybe I'll even have a similar experience with the music to theirs. That's an awesome thought, to me...

I've been drawing a bit. Still working on my staff because this design is taking forever and it makes my hands hurt, so I've been working on it in 4 hour spurts once I get over the hurts. Last night I started a drawing that incorporates the same pattern, and I like it so far... So here's that, and now you have an idea what my staff looks like on the bottom, too!

Breakthrough on my novel today! I am closer to finding a story to fit my ideas. I made some progress on my exploration of religion today, too, which I am very excited about.

Also. I have decided. When I am a mother, I will make sure my children have blankets and sheets specifically for forts, capes, playing outside, and any other joyful activity they come up with where blankets are a necessity. That is all.

In other news, Bitte climbed up next to me in this chair and cuddled with me for like an hour. I love her so much.

The End. Not really.

Adventure #20: Maybe Moved In, Learning to Move On

Hey! I've moved! I'm now living in Meridian, ID with some close family friends. It's not as big of a leap that I'd hoped for, but it's a step in the right direction, I believe. It's kind of a trial period for now, where they're letting me stay here for a little while until I'm sure this will work for me, and if it does, then I might stay. And I definitely cried a lot while I was on the phone with my Dad last night... I miss him so much already...

This time in my life has been so huge in terms of transition. One of my sets of parents got a divorce this summer, all of my friends started college, I graduated, I moved out (maybe), I started a blog, started an Etsy store, I'm writing a novel, my relationship with my best friend and boyfriend of many years has been changing in many ways, and I'm still working on going to Germany soon. It's been amazing to have this blog, too, and to reflect and appreciate all that's been going on in my life. I don't know that I would have appreciated it all quite so completely if I hadn't been sharing it along the way. So I'm very glad that I have had this opportunity, and I hope that it's been valuable to some of you in any way, too!

All of these transitions mean this has been one of the most powerful times in my life, and also the most difficult. I don't know that I have ever felt so much uncertainty so often. I'm learning so much about myself, and while there have been a lot of tears, there also is a great new sense of awareness forming. I'm excited, terrified, sad, confused, and content all at once, almost all the time, lately. But in the deepest part of me, no matter how much turmoil I feel around me, I am becoming still and quiet, for the first time.

To all of you and any of you who read this, thank you for being a part of my journey. <3

Adventure #19: Announcing the Understory

So I made plans to move out today, and then they kind of got put off... But the reasons are secret and personal so I can't talk about it, but basically I'm upset with some people and really grateful for how others are helping me handle this.

So there's that super vague update for ya.

Also planning a road trip with my Gramma, so stay tuned.


The main meat of this post, now: I announced my novel today! It is called Understory. I'm super excited to keep working on it, and as soon as I have any kind of sample, it will be in a post, and available on my Nanowrimo profile.

The topics I'm currently exploring with intent to include them in the novel are: perspective, familiarity, religion, nature, what-ifs, progress, story, and the shadow nature. As I think and write about each of these more, they slowly come together, bit by bit. I have no idea how all of these concepts will connect through plot or setting, but they are connected through many other means, and I hope to discover their proper literary representation soon. Also, if you have any significant thoughts that come to you when you think of the word Understory (or when you look it up), let me know? I'd love to know what kinds of images and ideas the phrase evokes.

Thanks again! And to my significant otter and goober who hopefully will read this, you're always on my mind. And you can do it! You're amazing! <3

To Inspire: Invest In Yourself

Invest in yourself.

Not because everyone will let you down. Some won't.

Not because it's hard to hope. It really can be done.

Not because the world is cruel. It is, but it is also wonderful.

And not because there is nothing else worth investing in. There are many things worth your efforts.

But invest in yourself, too, because we say that the only constant in life is change. But the other constant is you. As long as you are alive, you have yourself. Invest in yourself because you will change, whether you mean to or not. And when you see these changes, you will need to have faith in order to face yourself again and again as you grow. Learn about yourself, know yourself, and grow yourself, because it is possible. And because you will need to know your constants in life, especially when everything changes.

Adventure #16: A Weeks Worth of Adventures

Okay! Commitment time. I haven't been posting every day... I promised myself that I would, and now it's time to make good on my word. I'm committing again to post every day because not every post needs to be fantastic and have pictures, I just need to be furthering my perspective and embracing living my everyday life passionately from wherever I am.

So to kick off this renewed pledge, a summary of recent and tiny adventures!

Let's see. I made muffins today. My step-mom buys boxed muffins mixes and then since the mixes are in the house and they aren't used very often, sometimes I get on a roll and use them all up! So the mix was for almond poppyseed muffins, but my dad and I prefer the lemon ones. So I mixed in lemon zest and lemon juice, and I think they're way better that way xD

I tried a new lotion. Fascinating. One of my friends had given me some samples, and so I went with it. One of them was not a face lotion, and my skin is currently regressing to its stressed out 9th grader state. But! Then the other lotion was definitely a face lotion. It was Juice Beauty, the business started byyyyy what's her name omg I practiced this Gwyneth Paltrow! There we go. It was awesome, too. It smelled so frappin good and made my skin feel all soft and nice. I was surprised, too! After just a few minutes of letting it settle, there was no sheen or anything but it still felt great. So when I become rich, I'll definitely invest in the stuff.

What else what else. Ah! Sleepover with my boyfriend. He and I have been together for the larger part of the last 7 years, and this was the first time we'd gotten to do this. It definitely was an adventure. I am a very warm sleeper, twin bed, and he's 6ft tall, but it actually went quite smoothly (maybe my late night sneezing fit was the exception). It was as cute and cuddly and practical as I could have imagined ^.^

I also have added some new items to my Etsy store! Including a custom listing option since now I have my fancy paper. I'm a mild nerd about paper now, and I like that about myself, so yeah. Here's the link again to my Etsy store cause I have to shamelessly self-advertise: SansPoetry

I'm going to write a novel! I'm doing Nanowrimo this year (the link if you haven't heard of it before), and am currently working on idea planning and stuffs. I'm honestly super excited, and I will most likely post often on the blog about this as it will be an every day thing in November. I'll link to my profile on the website soon, too, so that you can follow me along that way and we can collaborate if you're doing it, too :)

I went to my first women's circle this past weekend! It was amazing, and I really learned so much. The class is called "I am Woman" and it's about understanding and discovering the true feminine nature and how it applies to ourselves. Cool stuff. I might post more in detail about it later, but I'm undecided right now because the nature of the content can be very personal, and I'd like to go all out or not at all instead of trying to censor such important things.

Last update: I might be moving out soon! My friend in Monterey that I was going to stay with is likely moving back home very soon, so that didn't work out, but oh well. A new opportunity has arisen due to the kindness of wonderful people, and it's in the works. Will update.

Okay, cool! I've been up to more things than I thought... Thanks for the read, and peace to you all! <3

Adventure #15: Meditation for Intuition

I have to be honest, this is probably the hardest thing that I've ever done...

I'm a very analytical person. It used to be that I refused to feel certain emotions if I didn't understand why they had arisen. If I was ever unable to make sense of my feelings, I chose not to feel them. I often had trouble ever letting my mind take a break because my self confidence was so wrapped up in my intelligence. I'm a math person, an arguer (arguments don't need to be fights, look it up), and a thinker.

So I always used to joke that I don't actually have intuition. Turns out, that's not quite true... My counselor explained to me the value of intuition and how in can work in cooperation with the analytical mind. I'd never seen a point to getting touch with my intuition because it was rare that my thinking through something didn't lead me anywhere, especially once I'd become more secure in myself and didn't feel stressed all the time.

But, finally ran into something that I couldn't solve or understand from my current perspective, and now I am working on choosing what to do from this thing inside me that knows what's right for me. It's all an exercise in trust and letting go of control and being patient, all things I'd long avoided practicing by approaching everything analytically first.

So I've been meditating every day for 5 days now, usually twice a day. I sit outside on a rug and eat my yogurt and cereal to just kind of sit and get used to being there... I do some yoga for a few minutes to help relax and focus. And then I meditate, and usually it lasts at least an hour which feels good. Yesterday it was almost an hour and a half where I was actually in meditation and it felt really great.

As for the things I've understood so far, there are just a few small pieces of wisdom that have come to my attention and I don't know how they all fit together, yet, but there's been something new everyday and it all feels like progress.

So I've learned that it is kind to surround yourself with others who are kind. Honestly, it seems so simple, but I'd never thought of it. And it makes so much sense! To surround yourself with people who are kind is to understand that you are worthy of kindness, and to understand that acts of kindness feed more acts of kindness. So this applies well to me right now because I'm in the process of defining for myself what it means for me to be kind.

The second awareness that I remember (I should have been writing these down...) was about rejection. It was just some clarity about the forms that rejection can take and what it means for me.

And the third awareness that I can recall was about a fear that I've been struggling with. I'm afraid to do what is right for me out of fear of hurting other people. Through metaphor, I understood it as this: The tree does not stop growing for fear of casting a shadow. That is to say, I don't need to be afraid anymore of hurting others through my own growth. There is light everywhere, and anyone in growth can choose not to stand in my shadow.

Thank you, as always, to anyone who reads these posts. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them. <3

Adventure #12: SansPoetry

SansPoetry is my store! I opened my Etsy store today when my debit card came. (Yes, I know. I paid with cash for everything in high school, I don't know how I made it through.)

So I am officially open for business! I have a few bookmarks listed and am working on listing more. Several are made, I just have to input a lot of information about every item so it takes a while.

I'm also working on getting custom orders up and running, just waiting on some paper samples so that I can use the same kind for the custom orders.

For now, if anybody has any quotes they'd really like to see (either to purchase or just cause someone needs to hear them), share them with me in the comments! :)

To anyone who is interested, here is the link to my store: SansPoetry
And photos of my Royal 10 ca 1924 typewriter!

Sew beautiful ^.^

Adventure #11: The Road Not Taken

I've been wanting to write this post for a while now, but I don't think the time was right until today.

Two of my best friends began college this week, and I've really struggled with a lot of aspects of that all of a sudden...

I was jealous of one of my best friends because she is doing everything that I had planned for myself years ago... Now I'm choosing a different path than what I had planned, and I let my insecurities about my choice get in the way of me being happy for what she is choosing for her life. Luckily, I have some amazing sounding boards in my life who called me on my issues. I wish I had been in a place to be happy for her when she most deserved it...

Then my other best friend and I have been struggling on different levels and at different times with my choosing a different path. College was always something that we had planned to do together, and now I'm lamenting that opportunity lost. This stuff got in my way of being happy for this friend when we both really wanted me to be... My dad put it perfectly, and said that even when we know we have to give something up, often we still need to mourn the loss. I thought, then, that maybe mourning that loss and grieving what was given up is actually how it can be let go... I suppose that process is unfinished thus far as, though I am now able to feel happy for my friends in every way, I am still so sad that we won't get to share this experience with each other, like I always thought we would...

So here I want to be open to mourning this road not taken. I'm still honestly incredibly sad that I'm not going to college with my two best friends. But I am also now in a place to feel honestly happy about my decision to move to Monterey and go to school in Germany. And I can understand that the two emotions can coexist and aren't mutually exclusive.

I just want to say now how I appreciate my friends and all that we've shared. I do hope that there will be many more experiences between us in the future. Thank you to my best friends for helping me in so many ways to reach this point in my life. I hope I have ever done the same for you.

Now we are all on to different, even separate, things. But please know that you will always be in my heart, on my mind, and you hold a piece of my soul. I love you both so much. <3

Adventure #4: Letting Go

He's rebellious
But I won't tell...

He's cried twice today
But always strongest.

He's empathetic

But a formidable temper.

He's a sweetheart

But impenetrable walls.

He's rebellious

But they'll never know...

He'll make a good soldier.

Adventure #1: The Blog

Here goes! My first blog post ever.

Oh my goodness this is so crazy  what am I doing  why did I think this was a good idea

Okay, those thoughts successfully acknowledged and ignored: Hi! My name is Cora Lee. And I'm planning an adventure that will last for the rest of my life.

I've just graduated high school and have left said institution with a long-indulged fear of making mistakes. This is something I want to unlearn as I teach myself to live. You see, at this point in my life, I'm working to change my perspective and become more open to new experiences, ideas, and even mistakes. So for me, this blog is a tool to help me to practice living with a new perspective.

So here's to: new beginnings, living life, and becoming adventuresome.