I can drive now! I passed my test yesterday morning! The only things that I missed were that I forgot to be sure he could see me glancing left and right at an intersection, and I was so nervous that I couldn't remember all of the steps it takes to park the car and get out... But oh well.
So once we can get our Durango running, I can actually use this newfound ability of mine xD I'm gonna start my job hunt in Boise once I can drive out there cause I want to start work as soon as I can to start saving for while I'm in school, figuring out how much I can work, and be trained and everything. I'm also going to finally get to see my friends at BSU! It's been difficult to get over there to see anybody, and I'm so excited that I can now :)
I'm thinking I will change my major at BSU, too. I had been thinking that I would start off studying psychology because it's really interesting and I thought I might be able to use a degree in that to help people... I've been getting closer to understanding how it is that I actually can help people, though, and analyzing their behaviours isn't the way. It's fascinating, but it won't be productive in the long run. So I am going to try to be extra brave and pursue degrees that will help me to inspire people to care and feel and appreciate more in life... The goal is still a little fuzzy in my head, but I know it will change and become clearer as I continue to pursue what I love and use it to fulfill my purpose.
Hmm... Also we ate ice cream last night to celebrate. It was good.
30 November 2016
28 November 2016
Adventure #39: Finally Kind of an Adult
Adulting! Yes, Google, that is most definitely a real word because I said so ok.
I made phone calls today. I called BSU about my application status and deadline. (I missed the November 15th deadline for all of my admissions materials because they sent me a letter saying what else they needed, and I didn't come home until last Wednesday for Thanksgiving... And whoever put the letter in my room didn't think to tell me that I got a letter from the university I will be attending in the spring. But whatever because admissions lady said it won't change anything for me since I'm an in-state applicant. Yay!) Unnecessary information.
I called to schedule my driving skills test for tomorrow morning, too! Wish me luck! I passed the written test today, and I have no idea why I was ever worried about it... Thanks IB for making me a fantastic test taker.
I called my high school to please have them mail another copy of my transcripts to BSU. Yay again!
And my step mom and I got into another argument. All I wanted to do was call my favorite goober and be consoled, but I walked over to my Gramma's house instead because she loves me, too. We took a nap, watched an interview with Mikhail B. Khodorkovsky of the Open Russia Foundation on the news, ate mac salad, and chopped up apples for applesauce. It was a good day. My Gramma is also the one who took me to my test today, and I'm so grateful for her. <3
I started reading Emma, yesterday and it is very enjoyable. It has been way too long since I've read a book, and I'm so happy to be doing it again... God I've missed books... This is for a scholarship that I'll be applying for in May, too, so it's for fun and for monies. I'm excited to be writing analytically again, too!
Also I went for a walk on Saturday. It was so gorgeous... The air was perfectly crisp, the light was soft and blue, and the clouds were impeccably wispy.
Anywho, that's pretty much it for the last couple of days... Wish me luck on tests and applications and all, if you can spare a few good thoughts :) Thank you, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your evening <3
I made phone calls today. I called BSU about my application status and deadline. (I missed the November 15th deadline for all of my admissions materials because they sent me a letter saying what else they needed, and I didn't come home until last Wednesday for Thanksgiving... And whoever put the letter in my room didn't think to tell me that I got a letter from the university I will be attending in the spring. But whatever because admissions lady said it won't change anything for me since I'm an in-state applicant. Yay!) Unnecessary information.
I called to schedule my driving skills test for tomorrow morning, too! Wish me luck! I passed the written test today, and I have no idea why I was ever worried about it... Thanks IB for making me a fantastic test taker.
I called my high school to please have them mail another copy of my transcripts to BSU. Yay again!
And my step mom and I got into another argument. All I wanted to do was call my favorite goober and be consoled, but I walked over to my Gramma's house instead because she loves me, too. We took a nap, watched an interview with Mikhail B. Khodorkovsky of the Open Russia Foundation on the news, ate mac salad, and chopped up apples for applesauce. It was a good day. My Gramma is also the one who took me to my test today, and I'm so grateful for her. <3
I started reading Emma, yesterday and it is very enjoyable. It has been way too long since I've read a book, and I'm so happy to be doing it again... God I've missed books... This is for a scholarship that I'll be applying for in May, too, so it's for fun and for monies. I'm excited to be writing analytically again, too!
Also I went for a walk on Saturday. It was so gorgeous... The air was perfectly crisp, the light was soft and blue, and the clouds were impeccably wispy.
Anywho, that's pretty much it for the last couple of days... Wish me luck on tests and applications and all, if you can spare a few good thoughts :) Thank you, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your evening <3
Adventure #38: Let be.
For some reason, I haven't been able to get this passage out of my head today... So here is my attempt to analyse it and try to discover why it is vexing me.
In Act V Scene ii of Hamlet, Laertes has challenged Hamlet to a duel, and Horatio acts as the last advocate for Hamlet to acknowledge his true nature that he has long denied himself. Hamlet has just dismissed his true feelings as a woman's misgivings, saying "how ill all's here about my heart: but it is no matter." Horatio has told Hamlet, "If your mind dislike anything, obey it..." entreating Hamlet, if he is to deny his feelings, to at least deny his thoughts no longer. Hamlet rejects Horatio's plea through a dismissal of the significance of this choice and the significance of his own being, and so ensconces himself further within his chosen philosophy, sealing his fate.
In Act V Scene ii of Hamlet, Laertes has challenged Hamlet to a duel, and Horatio acts as the last advocate for Hamlet to acknowledge his true nature that he has long denied himself. Hamlet has just dismissed his true feelings as a woman's misgivings, saying "how ill all's here about my heart: but it is no matter." Horatio has told Hamlet, "If your mind dislike anything, obey it..." entreating Hamlet, if he is to deny his feelings, to at least deny his thoughts no longer. Hamlet rejects Horatio's plea through a dismissal of the significance of this choice and the significance of his own being, and so ensconces himself further within his chosen philosophy, sealing his fate.
Not a whit, we defy augury: there's a special providence in
the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be
not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come:
the readiness is all: since no man has aught of what he leaves,
what is't to leave betimes?
Hamlet recognizes that while there is fate, there is also the human desire to decide it for ourselves.
Our indiscretion sometime serves us well,In the end, it seems we are but little birds, knowing not of what we will leave, yet free to live our lives intentionally, recklessly, and fatefully.
When our deep plots do fail; and that should teach us
There's a divinity that shapes our ends,
Rough-hew them how we will.
26 November 2016
To Breathe in Sadness
The most immense sadness I have known is felt in waves. This sadness gently rushes itself ashore, droplet tears burn, soft sands churn. Sadness breaks over pebbles, returning to the sea. Tears slip past blonde lashes, caressing flush cheeks.
A sadness that repeats itself in moments of understanding... Each brush of ocean on weathered shore draws breath in and out. In as grains tumble, chest broadens, shoulders lift, tension between potential, pain, and perseverance is held in open lungs. Out as bubbles spin and tendrils recede, release of tension. Empty lungs flooded by acceptance. And breathe... Breathing in sadness, breathing out momentous.
-- For my best friend. For always reminding me to fearlessly breathe in what is real.
A sadness that repeats itself in moments of understanding... Each brush of ocean on weathered shore draws breath in and out. In as grains tumble, chest broadens, shoulders lift, tension between potential, pain, and perseverance is held in open lungs. Out as bubbles spin and tendrils recede, release of tension. Empty lungs flooded by acceptance. And breathe... Breathing in sadness, breathing out momentous.
-- For my best friend. For always reminding me to fearlessly breathe in what is real.
24 November 2016
Adventure #37: Thanksgiving 2016
It's Thanksgiving! I'm actually having a not good day, and I need to write... I'm just feeling so many things. Everything is starting to change again and it's hard to feel like I don't have to give in to the chaos...
I need different people in my life. I need more people who are solid. More people like my dad, my gramma, and my counselor... I've learned that I can be myself no matter what is going on around me, but people who don't make chaos and don't have expectations for others make that so much easier... It makes me cry to think that we do that to each other. That we push other people away from their truest selves so that we can feel the smallest bit better about our own lives. I'm tired... I'm tired of people trying to do that to me, because even though I know I'm strong enough to fight it, it's nothing short of exhausting...
So on this Thanksgiving, I am grateful, and exhausted. I'm so thankful for two of my best friends that have been there for me the past few days as I've had to deal with something incredibly confusing and painful. I'm thankful that I have my childhood home to come back to... Sometimes I think the actual house offers me more surety than the people in it, but it still means a lot to me to be home... I'm grateful that I got to see my best friend yesterday. It had been way to long... I'm grateful for the newest women in my life who are an incredible support system. I'm grateful for everyone who has helped to provide for me these last several months of my life. I'm grateful for so many things...
Everyday, I find something new to appreciate about this beautiful world and all its people.
And I'm exhausted. I'm tired of seeing all the tragic news about Standing Rock. I'm tired of uneducated consumerism, I'm tired of the suffering in the world, and I woke up today thinking that there might be rest for us today... But there isn't. There is chaos, there is confusion, and there is pain.
But let's be grateful anyway... Please, today of all days, we can be grateful.
I need different people in my life. I need more people who are solid. More people like my dad, my gramma, and my counselor... I've learned that I can be myself no matter what is going on around me, but people who don't make chaos and don't have expectations for others make that so much easier... It makes me cry to think that we do that to each other. That we push other people away from their truest selves so that we can feel the smallest bit better about our own lives. I'm tired... I'm tired of people trying to do that to me, because even though I know I'm strong enough to fight it, it's nothing short of exhausting...
So on this Thanksgiving, I am grateful, and exhausted. I'm so thankful for two of my best friends that have been there for me the past few days as I've had to deal with something incredibly confusing and painful. I'm thankful that I have my childhood home to come back to... Sometimes I think the actual house offers me more surety than the people in it, but it still means a lot to me to be home... I'm grateful that I got to see my best friend yesterday. It had been way to long... I'm grateful for the newest women in my life who are an incredible support system. I'm grateful for everyone who has helped to provide for me these last several months of my life. I'm grateful for so many things...
Everyday, I find something new to appreciate about this beautiful world and all its people.
And I'm exhausted. I'm tired of seeing all the tragic news about Standing Rock. I'm tired of uneducated consumerism, I'm tired of the suffering in the world, and I woke up today thinking that there might be rest for us today... But there isn't. There is chaos, there is confusion, and there is pain.
But let's be grateful anyway... Please, today of all days, we can be grateful.
20 November 2016
Adventure #36: Foods of Late
Hey! Still alive. Been busy, gotten good at making excuses for not blogging. Recently rediscovered (again) my motivations for doing this. So, here I am!
So much has been changing in my life lately as I'm entering a new phase of things. I'm super excited about it, and in general the difference will be that I'm finally ready to start the work I've been preparing for in these past several months. But, more on that idea and those events later.
Tonight, I want to just talk about my food adventures of late! In the past few weeks, I have been exposed to many new foods. Food is one of the hobbies of the family that I'm living with, so it's been a staple of this transition. Without further ado, this non-glorious list of foods and restaurants I have newly experienced.
Places:
Taco John's
Del Taco
a Chinese food place where I never checked the name
Sherri's
Main Street Burger
Black Bear Diner
The Coffee Cup Cafe
Fiesta Guadalajara
Other Foods:
Jackfruit (smells like mangos and Kraft cheese)
Buffalo tripe (at Standing rock)
Fresh fry bread
Ben and Jerry's (like 3 flavors and I can't remember any of their names)
Corned beef hash
Yep so there's that. I don't know, I've enjoyed the experience, but I think I more just enjoy sharing a meal with people. That's been the best part of trying these new foods and restaurants. It's good for me to broaden my tastes, and I'm grateful I've been granted the opportunity, but I'm even more grateful to have gotten to share those experiences with other people.
More tomorrow. I hope you have a great rest of your night ^.^
So much has been changing in my life lately as I'm entering a new phase of things. I'm super excited about it, and in general the difference will be that I'm finally ready to start the work I've been preparing for in these past several months. But, more on that idea and those events later.
Tonight, I want to just talk about my food adventures of late! In the past few weeks, I have been exposed to many new foods. Food is one of the hobbies of the family that I'm living with, so it's been a staple of this transition. Without further ado, this non-glorious list of foods and restaurants I have newly experienced.
Places:
Taco John's
Del Taco
a Chinese food place where I never checked the name
Sherri's
Main Street Burger
Black Bear Diner
The Coffee Cup Cafe
Fiesta Guadalajara
Other Foods:
Jackfruit (smells like mangos and Kraft cheese)
Buffalo tripe (at Standing rock)
Fresh fry bread
Ben and Jerry's (like 3 flavors and I can't remember any of their names)
Corned beef hash
Yep so there's that. I don't know, I've enjoyed the experience, but I think I more just enjoy sharing a meal with people. That's been the best part of trying these new foods and restaurants. It's good for me to broaden my tastes, and I'm grateful I've been granted the opportunity, but I'm even more grateful to have gotten to share those experiences with other people.
More tomorrow. I hope you have a great rest of your night ^.^
15 November 2016
Water is Life: Standing Rock
I've been home from Standing Rock for a few days now, and took some much needed time to catch up on sleep and let all of the events settle before I wanted to attempt to write about them. So here I am, slightly more rested, ready to share this part of my story.
Verbally, I've relayed these events several times in questionable detail, so I'd like to approach this telling differently. I've had a chance to reflect on all that I understand I've learned from this experience, and I'd like to focus on those aspects of the story for my own purposes of contemplation and for purposes of efficiency.
One thing that I learned while I was at Standing Rock is how generosity and determination can go an incredibly long way in supporting life. There were so many needs at the Oceti Sakowin camp, but because of donations, communication, and good intentions, everyone is being cared for adequately. I was consistently amazed by the ability of people to organize and meet everyone's needs. It was astonishing to me because, there were few constructs that I'm accustomed to; there was no delegation, no ruling body (other than certain activities where the approval of the elders is strongly recommended), and few rules. Everyone was there to be a part of this incredible movement, and each had their contribution. With all of these people in one place, united by one cause and one philosophy, without hardly any structures of our over-arching society, incredible things are being achieved. In my thoughts, one of the greatest achievements is a productive and peaceful coexistence.
Another lesson for me was about how I contribute to the world. I struggled on the first two days feeling like I wasn't doing enough. I felt guilty for taking a nap, even though I really needed to because my exhaustion was bringing me to tears... I felt like I couldn't carry enough supplies at once, couldn't cut potatoes quickly enough, couldn't handle the cold with ease... It wasn't until a man struck up a conversation with me and wanted to say he had seen me helping, and that he was grateful to me for doing so. That conversation made me cry a little bit, too, because I needed to hear that someone saw what I was trying to do... Then, once I knew that someone had seen me, I didn't feel like I needed to measure how helpful I was or how hard I was working by what someone else thought. How could I? This man probably didn't see me take a nap. He didn't know how little sleep I'd gotten the night before. He couldn't have known how hard I was working or how hard I wasn't. Only I could know if I was doing everything that I could to help, while still taking care of myself. This really helped me to more completely understand that my contribution to the world can't be measured. It's up to me to do what I know I need to, and no else can say if it is or isn't enough. I know it is.
I'm losing my focus now, but I will continue in another post soon. As always, thank you for being a part of my story, and I hope you have a wonderful day <3
Verbally, I've relayed these events several times in questionable detail, so I'd like to approach this telling differently. I've had a chance to reflect on all that I understand I've learned from this experience, and I'd like to focus on those aspects of the story for my own purposes of contemplation and for purposes of efficiency.
One thing that I learned while I was at Standing Rock is how generosity and determination can go an incredibly long way in supporting life. There were so many needs at the Oceti Sakowin camp, but because of donations, communication, and good intentions, everyone is being cared for adequately. I was consistently amazed by the ability of people to organize and meet everyone's needs. It was astonishing to me because, there were few constructs that I'm accustomed to; there was no delegation, no ruling body (other than certain activities where the approval of the elders is strongly recommended), and few rules. Everyone was there to be a part of this incredible movement, and each had their contribution. With all of these people in one place, united by one cause and one philosophy, without hardly any structures of our over-arching society, incredible things are being achieved. In my thoughts, one of the greatest achievements is a productive and peaceful coexistence.
Another lesson for me was about how I contribute to the world. I struggled on the first two days feeling like I wasn't doing enough. I felt guilty for taking a nap, even though I really needed to because my exhaustion was bringing me to tears... I felt like I couldn't carry enough supplies at once, couldn't cut potatoes quickly enough, couldn't handle the cold with ease... It wasn't until a man struck up a conversation with me and wanted to say he had seen me helping, and that he was grateful to me for doing so. That conversation made me cry a little bit, too, because I needed to hear that someone saw what I was trying to do... Then, once I knew that someone had seen me, I didn't feel like I needed to measure how helpful I was or how hard I was working by what someone else thought. How could I? This man probably didn't see me take a nap. He didn't know how little sleep I'd gotten the night before. He couldn't have known how hard I was working or how hard I wasn't. Only I could know if I was doing everything that I could to help, while still taking care of myself. This really helped me to more completely understand that my contribution to the world can't be measured. It's up to me to do what I know I need to, and no else can say if it is or isn't enough. I know it is.
I'm losing my focus now, but I will continue in another post soon. As always, thank you for being a part of my story, and I hope you have a wonderful day <3
02 November 2016
Adventure #35: Oh Right That Blog Thing
HAHAHA i am not very good at this sometimes.
No excuses, I don't know what happened. I just disappeared for a few days, and I am certainly not ruling out aliens as a potential culprit. Is that stereotyping...?
Anyway. I am leaving for Standing Rock tomorrow!
And I was supposed to start my novel yesterday! Damn aliens.
Will update you on Standing Rock!
Will start my novel today! There's still time!
Sold t-shirts for Standing Rock today and yesterday!
Here's the design!
Yay! About 45 t-shirts sold already and I had to tell people to stop asking me for more cause I had to send the order to Kepa so he could start making the shirts. So that was sad and difficult because I didn't want to let people down... But now I have to ask for the money from people which is even more difficult... I'm so surprised that so many people wanted shirts and shared the Facebook post! I thought we might sell 25, but no! More than 25!
No excuses, I don't know what happened. I just disappeared for a few days, and I am certainly not ruling out aliens as a potential culprit. Is that stereotyping...?
Anyway. I am leaving for Standing Rock tomorrow!
And I was supposed to start my novel yesterday! Damn aliens.
Will update you on Standing Rock!
Will start my novel today! There's still time!
Sold t-shirts for Standing Rock today and yesterday!
Here's the design!
Yay! About 45 t-shirts sold already and I had to tell people to stop asking me for more cause I had to send the order to Kepa so he could start making the shirts. So that was sad and difficult because I didn't want to let people down... But now I have to ask for the money from people which is even more difficult... I'm so surprised that so many people wanted shirts and shared the Facebook post! I thought we might sell 25, but no! More than 25!
Yay again! So that's what I've been up to. Might start college at BSU next semester, but more on that later.
Okie bye <3
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