It's Thanksgiving! I'm actually having a not good day, and I need to write... I'm just feeling so many things. Everything is starting to change again and it's hard to feel like I don't have to give in to the chaos...
I need different people in my life. I need more people who are solid. More people like my dad, my gramma, and my counselor... I've learned that I can be myself no matter what is going on around me, but people who don't make chaos and don't have expectations for others make that so much easier... It makes me cry to think that we do that to each other. That we push other people away from their truest selves so that we can feel the smallest bit better about our own lives. I'm tired... I'm tired of people trying to do that to me, because even though I know I'm strong enough to fight it, it's nothing short of exhausting...
So on this Thanksgiving, I am grateful, and exhausted. I'm so thankful for two of my best friends that have been there for me the past few days as I've had to deal with something incredibly confusing and painful. I'm thankful that I have my childhood home to come back to... Sometimes I think the actual house offers me more surety than the people in it, but it still means a lot to me to be home... I'm grateful that I got to see my best friend yesterday. It had been way to long... I'm grateful for the newest women in my life who are an incredible support system. I'm grateful for everyone who has helped to provide for me these last several months of my life. I'm grateful for so many things...
Everyday, I find something new to appreciate about this beautiful world and all its people.
And I'm exhausted. I'm tired of seeing all the tragic news about Standing Rock. I'm tired of uneducated consumerism, I'm tired of the suffering in the world, and I woke up today thinking that there might be rest for us today... But there isn't. There is chaos, there is confusion, and there is pain.
But let's be grateful anyway... Please, today of all days, we can be grateful.