I've been home from Standing Rock for a few days now, and took some much needed time to catch up on sleep and let all of the events settle before I wanted to attempt to write about them. So here I am, slightly more rested, ready to share this part of my story.
Verbally, I've relayed these events several times in questionable detail, so I'd like to approach this telling differently. I've had a chance to reflect on all that I understand I've learned from this experience, and I'd like to focus on those aspects of the story for my own purposes of contemplation and for purposes of efficiency.
One thing that I learned while I was at Standing Rock is how generosity and determination can go an incredibly long way in supporting life. There were so many needs at the Oceti Sakowin camp, but because of donations, communication, and good intentions, everyone is being cared for adequately. I was consistently amazed by the ability of people to organize and meet everyone's needs. It was astonishing to me because, there were few constructs that I'm accustomed to; there was no delegation, no ruling body (other than certain activities where the approval of the elders is strongly recommended), and few rules. Everyone was there to be a part of this incredible movement, and each had their contribution. With all of these people in one place, united by one cause and one philosophy, without hardly any structures of our over-arching society, incredible things are being achieved. In my thoughts, one of the greatest achievements is a productive and peaceful coexistence.
Another lesson for me was about how I contribute to the world. I struggled on the first two days feeling like I wasn't doing enough. I felt guilty for taking a nap, even though I really needed to because my exhaustion was bringing me to tears... I felt like I couldn't carry enough supplies at once, couldn't cut potatoes quickly enough, couldn't handle the cold with ease... It wasn't until a man struck up a conversation with me and wanted to say he had seen me helping, and that he was grateful to me for doing so. That conversation made me cry a little bit, too, because I needed to hear that someone saw what I was trying to do... Then, once I knew that someone had seen me, I didn't feel like I needed to measure how helpful I was or how hard I was working by what someone else thought. How could I? This man probably didn't see me take a nap. He didn't know how little sleep I'd gotten the night before. He couldn't have known how hard I was working or how hard I wasn't. Only I could know if I was doing everything that I could to help, while still taking care of myself. This really helped me to more completely understand that my contribution to the world can't be measured. It's up to me to do what I know I need to, and no else can say if it is or isn't enough. I know it is.
I'm losing my focus now, but I will continue in another post soon. As always, thank you for being a part of my story, and I hope you have a wonderful day <3