Adventure #60: Spring and Spiky Things

This week has been crazy! I'm on Spring Break at the moment, and have done something new or seen something beautiful every single day for the past several days. 

Yesterday, I walked around downtown Boise for a couple of hours in the rain. I visited Dutch Bros, Rediscovered Books, The Flying M, and any other store that seemed interesting. I went to Pie Hole for dinner, and then walked in the rain some more while I ate pizza. 

I started a new series on Netflix called "Tales by Light", too! I would highly recommend it. The show follows photographers through a few of their projects, and shows the act of photography from the photographers' perspective. I think it's beautifully done, and terribly fascinating.

On Saturday, I spontaneously decided that I had waited long enough, and it was time to cut my hair. I hadn't realized how tired I'd become of my hair being obectified, needing to be brushed twice a day, and feeling so heavy. Those cells had been with me for a very long time, and I had no idea how liberating it would feel to let them go. It's also been freeing to not be able to hide my face anymore, and to not be able to remember what I look like now. I've never had my hair this short before, and I love it! Before and after pictures! 

             

Other of my adventures included walks through the cemetery near our house, walks down by the river, and walks downtown. It feels amazing to be able to go anywhere whenever I feel like it! I don't worry anymore about who I'll run into, or whether or not someone else would enjoy going with me somewhere. I just walk. 

I went shopping for the first time in a long time! Over the last few holidays, I'd been given several gift cards that I decided to use to start making my room feel more livable. At the moment, I have a borrowed bedside lamp that lights up my whole room, and all of my clothes, books, and possessions are in boxes. Still! It's my own room, and I love it. And now I have some lights on the way!

Also I sat down in the grass on campus, and made this thing out of the spiky seeds that drop all over the place. That was a good day. 

On Thursday, I hung out at Camel's Back park with my friend Kris. He put up a couple of slack lines and both showed me up and got me addicted. It's so difficult! We also met Lola, who is the happiest dog I think I have ever met, as I made clear in my snapchat of said happy dog. Then we got Mexican food, walked around another park, and stared up at the clouds for a very long time.

I finally wrote a resume, too! I had been very afraid to in the past, so I'm grateful that I was able to get started on it finally. We'll see how that goes!

I also have gone to coffee with a few friends recently. I met up with my new friend Veronica and we had wonderful conversations about life. I met with my friend Rachel today, and we also had great conversations about life, and laughed at her baby's cute faces! She is incredibly adorable, and lucky to have such a great momma. I've taken myself out for coffee a few times now, and have gotten back into reading, finally! I started "Between the World and Me", and while it's a difficult emotional read, it is incredibly important. I'm very glad to be reading it.

Wow okay, that was a lot. It's been a busy week! Thank you for reading, and I look forward to writing more now, as my adventures seem to be more frequent with the coming of Spring and my newfound determination to remind myself of my freedom. Happy first-day-of-Spring to you, and I hope the sun and rain bring more adventures for you, as well! ^_^ <3

Adventure #59: Damascus Steel

I submitted a poem to the President's Writing Award Contest at BSU today! As promised, here is said poem as it was submitted.


Damascus Steel

blade of loomings
flourished in rivulets
mine and the sky’s

wedding band
of steel and stolen tears
brandish the promise

weep for the clouds, love
resolution forged
Warrior cries

Who loves the world so much he
wipes raindrops from my cheeks
as though they are my own tears

Adventure #58: The Write Time

I realized I want to share what I've been writing, lately. I haven't been sharing the day to day things I've done because I think my writing is a more accurate and honest representation of what my recent life has been like. I make no promises about quality, only authenticity from the moments in which the words were drawn. So I have some catching up to do, but here are some thoughts from several weeks ago.

Stare out the windows and watch for him passing by, with hope and a deep-seated sickness. 

You want to see him, walk near him, turn the corner and face him because neither of you believe in fate.  

You still hope, hope he'll see you, really see you this time, and change his mind, his heart. 

So you keep baring yourself, let him see you even though your hair's a mess and your skin is irritated by the cold.  

And each time, his steps don't falter, his eyes don't brighten, his gaze never lingers.  

And each time you hear, "Don't." 

But you'd like to see him again tomorrow.

And as these were written in the same sitting, in the same state of mind, I think it's appropriate to share them simultaneously as well.

You're missing something. What are you lying about? 

His rejection does make you question who you are. His indifference does make you feel worthless. You're clamoring to share in his sadness or his happiness again. Desperate to know, to feel him. 

It's okay... Little one... You are not invincible. You bared your heart, unmasked your soul, and it's okay that you cried when he looked away. It's alright, Little one... 

Sit in the sun, write, let the tears cast rainbows on your eyelashes, sniffle when your nose runs, shake all over when it's too much, let your arms hang when they feel empty, hug yourself when your chest aches... 

You will find yourself again, Little one... 

Adventure #57: Thanks, Thoreau

So much has happened since I last posted about an adventure... I went to an amazing concert (thank you to my wonderful boyfriend for accompanying me <3), was given a camera (thank you to my wonderful Aunt <3), toured the Anniversary Inn just for fun, wrote poetry every day, packed my things to move into a new place next weekend, and more...

I usually hate to just list what I've been up to, but I had lost the will to describe these events in any kind of detail... I've been focusing on finding my voice in poetry, so I wonder if I needed to just let go of my preferred prose for a while in order to find another piece of my voice.

I do feel like I've accomplished this, to some extent. I've written some form of poetry every day for the last month, and I've really learned so much. It's exciting to be pursuing this finally.

Past inconsistencies explained, this brings me to today.

Today was my first day in quite some time that I've had almost entirely to myself. I took the opportunity to meet with a friend and help them begin to parse Shakespeare's sonnets for a project. I hadn't studied his sonnets before, so I'm glad that I got the chance to help some, and I plan to study them more on my own time as well. Then I got myself lunch, and spent a few quiet hours in the library. I came home and took a much needed nap, too! Later in the evening, I went to a lecture on Henry David Thoreau, and was inspired to return to my blogging.

I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but by something in Thoreau's story of learning the histories of his fellow neighbors at Walden Pond, surveying the pond, gardening, writing, and maintaining his philosophies in spite of scrutiny, I felt reminded of the significance of my own small stories. While I believe I can bring more meaning to them through poetry, the simple and honest retelling of my experiences feels somewhat pure... I don't need to bring any more meaning to my stories in this context, as they matter simply because they are real.

Now I desperately need a copy of Walden, as well.

Following the lecture, it was night time, and I wandered a bit, bought myself a small coffee that turned medium, as they were out of small cups, and wandered some more. It turns out that the ILC has four floors. I'd never been higher than the second, and had never thought to before. I looked out at the campus from each floor as I went, then would cross to the other staircase, intending to descend, and realizing that I hadn't noticed another ascending flight, I would take those stairs up, look out the windows, cross the floor, and find a new set of stairs previously unnoticed, as I had been so focused on just exploring whichever floor I knew to be next. On the fourth floor, the view was so beautiful... And there was an odd, small set of stairs leading up to an alcove and a grey door. I hope the door leads to the roof, but it was definitely locked. I did try to open it.

Then I walked home in the most perfect weather I can imagine.

When in the company of books

Don't whisper too softly

or the books will hear your awe

and admire you so much for it,

the pages themselves will

abandon their bindings

and scatter off the shelves.

Adventure #56: Becoming Sin Eater

One of my first written explorations of an idea my friend gave me. I'm trying to use it to help me find and maintain perspective on what I've been going through. So here goes.

Sin Eater

Our everness
all memories and
moments unlived

When my part in your
Soul perished, I gathered
bottled the splinters of your heart

The organizer of pains.
receptacle for fears.
embalmer of essence.

Your
devoted
doteful

Sin Eater.

Adventure #55: College Campesino - Kermit the Frog Erotica

It's going to be difficult to do this one justice. Last night, my friend Derek read us some excerpts from 50 Shades of Grey, in which Anastasia was represented by a very "valley girl meets new jersey girl" voice, a.k.a. "more aggressive valley girl voice", or "New Jersey girl that went to the valley", so describes Derek. Then the supposedly suave and sexy Christian Grey was voiced by Derek's spot on Kermit the Frog impression.

I don't suppose it's easy to imagine, but if you can grasp the idea of Kermit the Frog seducing a young woman with an "aggressive valley girl voice", who also may have some serious daddy issues, then you're halfway there. 

Then imagine that woman talking about 'her inner goddess' dancing the dance of seven veils, something about itty bitty elephants, and borrowing a toothbrush like the dirty girl she is. Aaaaand then Kermit somehow has to play off that, and there's mention of a chocolate starfish.

Okay that was kind of painful to write... I'm sorry to anyone who enjoys 50 Shades of Grey, too! I don't mean to bash it in general because I haven't read it. Just the ridiculousness with which it was relayed to me last night left my abs incredibly sore from laughter. Honestly, it was one of the best things ever. I hope each and every one of you is lucky enough to someday hear Kermit's voice pleading you to "Put the chicken in the fridge."

Adventure #54: College Campesino - Toast Post!

Hi! I'm kind of in college now! I haven't posted in a while because the transition was pretty strange, and I haven't had much time to myself for the last couple of weeks. But here I am! And I have stories!

The first is about toast.

In the dorm where I'm living at the moment, we do not have a toaster. So I had the grand opportunity to educate my roommates about the wonders of alternatively toasted breads.

First, the pan fried bread: We also do not have a microwave yet. I softened butter in the oven so as to make it more amenable to being spread, and that was almost disastrous for sure. But most of the butter was salvaged, bread was much too slowly toasted in a pan, and fun was had by all. Actually I kept accidentally slamming the oven door shut because the spring on it is very effective, and that was terrifying.

But toast! I did it! Kolby was brave and had a bite. He agreed the pan-fried bread/ toast/ whatever Derek said it should be called is better than the average toast.

Second, the oven toast: This is my favorite kind of toast, and my second favorite comfort food. My momma taught me to make toast like this, and I would eat at least 4 pieces of it in one sitting whenever we would make it together. For this particular bit of toastiness, I butter one side of the bread, sprinkle a good amount of cinnamon and sugar on top of the butter, and place the bread with sugar side up in the oven, and set it to broil. Then the sugar and cinnamon caramelize on top, the butter sinks down in the bread a little and softens it, and then the sugar and cinnamon create like a little barrier, so the bread steams underneath and gets so fluffy and soft. It's the best!

This time I made pieces for both Kolby and I, and he said it was great toast :D

Success!

Adventure #53: The Women's March

Yesterday, I attended the Women's March in Boise. The women from my class attended, my family sent good thoughts and lots of encouragement my way, and I was able to go with a couple of my favorite people! In the picture, they are my friend Aidan and his two brothers (their very kind father took the picture), and my friend Kolby! It was an amazing feeling to be personally supported by some of the men in my life, including my own father who was so excited for me and wanted to hear all about the march. It was also a great feeling to know that these men are standing up for all other women in their lives and across the globe, through such a simple act of perfect unity. 

The media coverage of the marches was so uplifting, too! My favorite piece is this article from Slate which captures the strength, optimism, and determination that every one of us shared in. An estimated 2.9 million people marched yesterday in support of women and in opposition to injustice, with a powerful voice. I am truly grateful to everyone who participated. I stood by you, and you stood by me that day... It was an honor, and I choose to stand with you always.